3/21/2009 12:52:25 PM Annie, do you admit that you are chicken shit? In 1998 you had numerous opportunities to meet me and marry but you were so chicken shit and scared to meet and have a one night stand. Then I went to the beach and in one hour or night, the best looking girl on the east coast stole me while you poured over grief about sitting idly. Yes I was under attack and yes it was dangerous. Then seven years later you got the balls to finally find me and contact me and once again, you proved to be chicken shit after I said why do you mess our relationship up so badly and why are you such a horrible manager? You want everything to be so perfect and it ends up being a total disaster. You are not able to act on impulse and your management skills are not intuitive to others needs. Your management skills suck and I will be very honest.
Then to cover it up and remove the blame, you prey on weak Jewish men and accumulate 1000s of dates to suggest you were not a failure and can wait it out and have all the fun in the world. You play the act out to create this image of you know which is a complete opposite of what your true feelings are and even admit how badly you messed up and screwed up our life and your love life. Now, you are so far out of touch from reality you plead your case by describing how loyal and good you were to have waited and how you beat me to the press and worked so hard to provide some point where you and I can enjoy this but had to pull some crazy stunt because your plans were intercepted and foiled because you sat on your ass. Now it looks like you never sit on your ass and are a go getter when you had missed so many opportunities from 1998 to 2002.
Looking back and in hindsight, the regret is you ended up logging so much time with other men, the vast rumors and allegations, the self admission and guilt, and now you are on the verge of a nervous breakdown not even understanding why things turned out like so and rewrite the book on our life. I admit that crippling me and taking me out for 5-7 years really ruined our love life; but you had to reinvent the wheel and form a habit of being a go getter and like me. I traveled around the US, I am military, I take the initiative, while you like to pose for pictures as Jewish or privileged arm candy.
It is a bad and worse situation made worse by idea you are telling me this and how you screwed up so badly. You were scared to go on a date with me and turned it into how you could not get enough or live a life of “as much fun as a girl can have.” Then you created the idea you were comfortable with circles of friends and with all these interpersonal relationships when you were miserable and covering up a failure you still are not able to even discuss and how close to disaster it truly got. Scared out of your wits and not able to reset the clock, you are still scared of me and deflecting all analysis while forced to admit where things went badly. Your management skill sucks and that has gotten you a bad private life where you do not wish anybody to know it. You hired a public relations or image company to cover up the mistakes with me so you could reunite 7 years later under different and false terms.
Lori, the girl who stole me while you sat and watch was so superior and perfect; you were climbing a big hill. She also fell in love with me at first sight but had no money or the career you had; what she had was a perfect personality and very few if uneventful problems. You are so overwhelmed and overloaded you created some image to match her so you could compete with the biggest threat. Then when I finally had a talk with you, I said, looks do not last but memories do and you broke down crying about how you were going to burn in hell when I asked you if you messed up.
I sympathize how you only wanted to marry and was so scared and chicken but had to change this and learn to grow some balls or become a go getter. You almost represent Miss America and are selling yourself to the world but you knew I had met so many women over the years (1000s) and could see right through them or knew who they were immediately. Now you are plain scared and insecure but been with me for 20 years, 10 as just a partner and “love of your life” and finally have to make a move. It is a total disaster and it makes you more insecure and looking bad. Any other man would laugh or beat you silly with ridicule; but I think I am more patient with you and your beautiful disaster which I cannot even stand. The only way is to redirect it or create more outrage to desensitize me.
I was so impressed with Lori and I think you went home or back to NY with the feeling of total failure. She picked me out, followed me around, talked to me and let me know, then surrendered and told me to stay because she was lonely and needed me to be happy in life. You have really challenged me now and caused utter confusion and internal bleeding where I hate you one moment and love you the next or exist feeling sorry for you having screwed up so badly with me and holding on and not letting go. You refuse to give up and that is worthy but you cover it up and do things which get nowhere. If you had an uneventful life; there would not be any criticism or problems. I do not know what to say because in one sense I am also responsible for this mess and you.
I kept talking about Lori and how much of a woman she was or how I admired her so much for being so self assertive and superior over others. She scored a perfect 10 in every category and displayed incredible female characteristics and it made you feel small and defensive to win me back. I have become so heart broken and confused but I know had we not been attacked or kidnapped; life would be better so I cannot put the blame on you directly as you had to stand and watch. It is like your father being killed by his enemies’ right before your eyes; except your father figure is actually your guardian in life.
You are not going to jail they are; but over the 7 years you grew as a person kinda badly. Now you want to be with the champions and have to face the champions while you prettied yourself with the scrub club. I do not know how you will react around military people this intimidating and strong; but you are using weaker people to show you are just as strong or worthy and it has created a lot of tensions. Funny, because you did back on them what they did on me preyed on us and wrecked our life by filling it with pain and grief. You do not even know how I will react to the mess and how you screwed up your life by fighting out this predicament you are in. Remember the story I wrote at Va. Tech “English 101” called The Price of Love; that is you and you read it. It was about freedom and my mother who died; and that is you and you were inspired by the eulogy. I wrote that my freedom was based on her giving her life up for me and that is the price of love.
I do not know how to react and you are slow to call and talk to me now. Terrified of me does not begin to describe it because I am such a perfectionist and you had to win me back from a woman who was one in a million and more. Take Ainsley Earhardt and multiply by three and give her a bar tender coolness unlike anybody you will meet. You will not beat her so do not try to match her; what you can do is be honest and be humble about how things went and you hope we will stay together and work things out. Do not force love or make others love you; you will drive them away Annie, serious, fake love or making people love you is near tyranny.
Going out with men or losers to make other men jealous is asinine if not petty stupidity. If you want love at your age and in the last parts of your life; you have to count on memories and you are filled with horror and bad ones. I know how bad it was and I am trying to help if I can because I am not the enemy and recognize your daring effort to seek a mate or the humiliation you had put yourself through by the self infliction of wounds. Ask what I was mad at and what pissed me off Ann? What did you do to piss me off and retaliate? Yes, your private life and what you call “all lies.” Step above the lies and live above them to be the real you; stop living a lie Annie. I am very glad to see you taking off and will stop working for a while. It is the best decision you have made your entire life. You have a lot of injures and you have to recover. Your eulogy is going to be horrific and a total lie; you got to put the damn brakes on okay. You told me you are beginning to get a nervous breakdown and had to get sedatives because of the stress I put on you and the countless heartbreaks. That is a clear indication of a problem. We need therapy for our professional life and kidnapping, god knows about our private life.
Annie, women fall head over heals for me. It has been a major problem in my life and a curse also. Ask why you are head over heals for me and would put you through torture and pain unimaginable; reach fame and fortune and wait as my kidnappers released me so we could be together again. There is good and bad in us all but the willingness to win and conqueror our demons is a good way out. You are right to be terrified of me and to seek my approval always so we can have such a deep love. I have never ever let you down until the moment you froze and watched as a champion stole me while you sat cursing at why you did nothing. You see, do not sit on your ass and think you can juggle thousands of things as you tried and got me so angry about again. You got to stop messing up Ann that is the bottom line. You have to live and prove you are a champion if you want to be considered one; dump the people that hold you back. Stop the god damn king of the ants act also.
Ann I think you are so reckless you want me to stay desperate and dependent on you. I do not think you love with the intent of freeing or letting who you love become free of your sorcery. You also know that I would never approve and let you get away with the rumors I hear and the idea that you had all this fun and did not try to act out some pathology or insecurity of your flaws. Real champions are low key. You know that I would not and are not going to approve and you struggle to figure out how to make let go or stop hounding you. Your fame really brought out the dysfunctions and flaws. It is not a pristine and shining star but you told me you are no angel. I have no idea what that means and what you want from it.
Ann, I am too beaten up by this satellite warfare and stolen SDI kidnapping. I have irresolvable and mountainous problems. The last thing I need is marital issues just as how I need a drunk for a spouse. You got to decide quick and let go or move on; but I do think you are not living up to your end of the bargain unless I accept you fully. You spent day and night crying in order to have me accept you and forget about Lori, your arch nemesis. What are you a female Bill Clinton? You go through men more times than Clinton does and it is disturbing no less sexual. Worse, you drag me through the mud of your life and do not even ask me but want me to accept you now. We have a lot of memories Annie and you told me you are quitting and we are going to get married. I think quitting is a great idea; rebuild your life and ours; we have massive problems. There is hemorrhaging and internal bleeding; stopping the bleeding is just the first problem.
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